


If Dreams Die

by mulberrymelancholy



Category: Natsume Yuujinchou | Natsume's Book of Friends
Genre: Dreams, Gen, Minor Character(s), Taki - Freeform, Yôkai, kishimoto - Freeform, mushishi-inspired yokai, nishimura - Freeform, original yokai, sasada
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-25
Updated: 2020-12-25
Packaged: 2021-03-11 04:08:45
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,408
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28308777
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mulberrymelancholy/pseuds/mulberrymelancholy
Summary: Natsume is tired of dreaming, and being haunted by those dreams when he wakes. He finds a solution and manages to sleep well, but when an unfamiliar yokai comes into town and puts Tanuma's life in danger, he finds that the nightmares might have been safer.
Relationships: Fujiwara Touko & Natsume Takashi, Natsume Takashi & Taki Tooru, Natsume Takashi & Tanuma Kaname
Comments: 4
Kudos: 19





	If Dreams Die

**Author's Note:**

  * For [redwoodroots](https://archiveofourown.org/users/redwoodroots/gifts).



Natsume Takashi had known, objectively, that he was lonely for a long time. He knew it from the laughter of the classmates around him that he couldn’t share - in the way they had someone to turn to when they smiled - he knew it in the way that he was excluded from welcome-home hugs in the evenings after school. He hadn’t known, exactly, what that meant until he moved in with the Fugiwaras. He hadn’t recognised loneliness as the empty sorrow that hung over him like a cloud until it was filled by Touko’s cooking and Shigeru’s small smile and Taki’s loud laugh. He hadn’t recognised it as the aching jealousy that followed when he saw others interacting happily until it was chased away by Kitamoto’s dry jokes and Nishimura’s hugs and Sasada’s demanding instructions. He hadn’t recognised loneliness as the absence of comfort until the day he realised he could turn and meet Tanuma’s eyes in a wordless conversation. Now that he did know what the loneliness was, it was his greatest fear to return to it.

It made sense, then, that it was often a feature of his dreams. Most of them started in a similar way: he would be alone in an old house or an old school, aware enough to recognise it as a place from his memories but not aware enough to force himself awake. Tonight he was in the kitchen of the house from three families before the Fujiwara’s. The kitchen cupboards were stained from the husband’s cigarette smoke and the wife’s bad cooking. As he turned, he caught a glimpse of a blue shirt disappearing behind a corner. So Tanuma would be the subject of tonight’s dream.

Dream Natsume followed Tanuma through the house. He never saw his face, only the back of his shirt vanishing behind a corner as soon as his eyes landed on it. Dream Natsume didn’t question why he needed to follow Tanuma, or where they were going. He only knew that he had to do it quickly. Natsume felt his heart rate pick up in anticipation of the chase.

The passageway faded onto a bridge, and Natsume was finally able to see Tanuma’s face. He smiled and called out to his friend, only to watch him take a step forward and fall- 

Natsume woke with a gasp. Madara squawked in indignation as he was thrown off Natsume’s chest when he bolted upright. Natsume ignored him and pulled his legs to his chest, pressing his face between his knees to catch his breath. It hadn’t been a lonely dream after all, but rather a helpless one. It constantly surprised Natsume how much he now had to lose...and how difficult it was to protect it.

Natsume threw a hand over his eyes and lay down on his back, still panting heavily.

“Natsume- _ kun _ ! Natsume- _ kun _ !”

Natsume blinked his eyes open to see Sasada watching him closely.

“The bell’s about to ring,” she said.

Natsume stretched his arms across his desk but didn’t make an effort to move.

Kitamoto laughed, “Forget to sleep last night?” he asked. “You looked half dead in English class too.”

“Stay up late reading pervy magazines?” Nishimura asked with a grin.

Natsume ignored him and sat up. “Just another nightmare,” he said with a yawn.

The bell rang and they waved goodbye to Taki and Tanuma, and Natsume tried to blink enough sleep out of his eyes so that he could concentrate on calculus.

The dream repeated itself that night. He followed Tanuma out to the bridge, where he jumped. Only, this time, Natsume didn’t wake up in his room, but rather at the top of the staircase with his arm outstretched. Touko was standing next to him in her nightdress, her hand on his shoulder.

“Takashi- _ kun _ ?” she asked softly.

Natsume blinked at her and shook his head. “What-?”

“You must have been sleep walking,” she said, stepping away. “I know they say that you shouldn’t wake someone up who is sleepwalking, but I was worried you would fall down the stairs.”

Natsume started dazedly down the stairs, nodding. He swallowed when he realised how real the possibility had been. “Thank you, Touko- _ san _ .”

She smiled warmly and ushered him back to bed. He crawled under the covers wondering if he would need to lock his door to prevent any more nighttime adventures.

* * *

He was sitting with Tanuma and Taki on the bench next to the familiar cherry tree. He wasn’t sleeping, but still startled when Taki touched his arm. He smiled sheepishly at her.

“You still aren’t sleeping?” she asked.

Tanuma tilted his head in question.

“Another nightmare last night,” he explained. “I was sleepwalking too. Touko- _ san _ found me at the top of the stairs.”

Taki bit her lip and started rummaging in her bag. “I don’t know if this will help with the sleepwalking,” she said, drawing out a small cloth pouch, “but one of my grandfather’s books on dreams said these herbs should help to prevent dreams, so I was thinking it could maybe help you get some more sleep?”

Natsume’s eyes widened slightly and he smiled at her softly, “Thank you Taki.”

The bell rang and Taki and Tanuma stood up, offering their hands.

“Come on, we have an English test to write,” Tanuma said, his eyes laughing.

Natsume groaned as he let them drag him to his feet.

Madara sniffed suspiciously at the pouch as Natsume was getting ready for bed that night.

“Taki said it would help for the nightmares,” he explained as he ran a comb through his hair. He frowned at it, tugging at the ends.  _ It’s getting long again.  _ “You think it will work?”

Madara snorted. “How should I know? If it can actually stop you from disturbing  _ my _ sleep with your flailing, then I’ll personally thank her,” he said with a huff, settling onto his pillow and closing his eyes.

Natsume hummed and climbed into bed, tucking the pouch under his pillow. He drifted off to sleep with the scent of nutmeg and cinnamon and was that rosemary?

Natsume woke to the sound of his alarm. He lay in bed for a while, unable to place the soft sound until Madara shouted at him to turn it off. He sat up in awe, staring at his phone. He couldn’t remember the last time he’s slept so deeply that he’d needed his alarm to wake up. Normally the sounds of Touko in the kitchen or Shigeru getting ready in the morning were enough – he’d turn his alarm off before it even had a chance to ring.

“It worked,” he whispered.

“Takashi- _ kun _ !” Touko called up the stairs, “Are you getting ready? Breakfast will be ready soon.”

“Yes! I’ll be right there!” he said, scrambling to get ready.

He paused in the middle of the stairs, calling for Madara. They both stared at the yokai on the step. It was shaped so strangely that it could be nothing else – two wings spread from a small body, full of filaments instead of feathers.

“What is it?” Natsume asked.

Madara poked it with a paw, but there was no response. “A dream walker spore.” He used a claw to flick it up in the way a cat would play with a mouse, but the yokai still didn’t move. “It’s dead though.”

“A dream walker?”

“A plant-like yokai. It can’t move on it’s own so it releases these spores – they usually attach to other yokai. You must have picked it up at some point. It would explain the wired dreams you’ve been having. Strange that there’s only one though - they normally travel in clusters.” Madara shrugged and began walking towards the kitchen again.

Natsume felt queasy at the thought of leaving the creature on the step, but he followed behind. “Why would it be in the house then? And my dreams are always weird.”

“You’ve never sleepwalked before though. The spore could have attached to you at some point – it invades your dreams and drives you to travel.”

Natsume had more questions, but stopped talking when they got to the table. Shigeru was sitting with his newspaper and a cup of tea, and Touko had set out some toast for Natsume.

“Did you sleep well Takashi?” Shigeru asked. “You’re normally here before me.”

Natsume smiled sheepishly and scratched the back of his head. “I did, sorry.”

Shigeru looked at him with soft eyes. “Don’t apologise. A young man like you needs his rest.”

Natsume went to find Taki as soon as he could when he got to school – she had classroom duties, so he wouldn’t be able to see her during their break.

“Taki!” he called from the door of her homeroom.

“Natsume- _ kun _ ! Did the herbs work?” she asked, running to meet him.

He smiled. “Perfectly. I haven’t slept that well in ages. Thank you.”

She grinned. “Happy to help!”

“What happened to your arm Tanuma?” Nishimura asked as they were all settling down for lunch.

“Ah,” Tanuma laughed, self-consciously touching the bandages wrapped around his forearm. “I, uh, scratched it on a broken door last night while I was sleepwalking.”

“Sleepwalking?” Nishimura asked. Natsume frowned – surely it was too much of a coincidence that both he and Tanuma –

“It’s happened before, especially when I was a kid,” Tanuma said. “Once I broke my leg because I walked out one of the side doors and forgot that the house was built on a raised platform.”

“Maybe you should ask Taki for one of the anti-dream pouches,” Natsume suggested as they were walking home that afternoon.

Tanuma picked at his bandages and Natsume had to resist the urge to pull his hands away. “it’s not really so bad – I don’t feel more or less tired afterward. Besides, I don’t remember anything when I wake up so I don’t know if I’m dreaming at all. Taki’s herbs probably wouldn’t even work.”

Iit’s worth a try though, isn’t it?” Natsume insisted. “What if you walk into traffic? Or fall down the shrine stairs?”

Tanuma laughed softly at his fussing. “I’ll be fine Natsume.”

He hummed, still unsure but unable to push the conversation further. They parted ways at the bridge and Natsume went home to another night of perfect sleep.

* * *

“Natsume- _ kun _ , could you take these notes to Tanuma please?” a teacher asked him the next day at lunch.

“He wasn’t in class today?” Natsume asked, taking the notes.

“Called in sick early this morning. His dad says he should be fine by Monday.”

Natsume nodded. The teacher thanked him and walked away.

He worried the whole rest of the day, as he always did when Tanuma was sick. Was it just another cold? Was it a yokai? Would his friend be okay?

Tanuma’s father let him in when he knocked on the shrine doors that afternoon, holding a finger up to his lips.

“Tanuma is sleeping,” he said softly, stepping aside to let Natsume in. “Would you like some tea before you go back home?”

Natsume kicked off his shoes and nodded, following him into the kitchen.

“What happened?” he asked as the priest started the tea.

“Apparently he exhausted himself sleepwalking last night,” his father said.

“He was sleepwalking again? Does it happen that often?”

He nodded. “Often enough. It’s normally not nightly, but it was very frequent when he was younger. He broke his leg the one night.”

“Is it dangerous?” Natsume asked, focusing on the tea that was pushed into his hands.

Tanuma’s father hummed. “It shouldn’t be – it’s a bit difficult for him to get somewhere dangerous from here, and he has to walk past my room to get to the shrine stairs, so I’d probably wake up before he got to them. We’ve never had to lock the doors to keep him in before. ” He laughed suddenly, “I just wish I could convince him to take his cellphone so that I can go fetch him when he wakes up.”

“Natsume?” a voice said from the doorway.

They both turned to see Tanuma halfway through a yawn, leaning against the door to the kitchen.

“Oh, you’re awake? Then you and Natsume can take these up to your room,” his dad said, handing him the tray of tea.

Natsume grabbed the notes off the counter and followed Tanuma.

They drank their tea quietly, the air thick with a subject neither of them wanted to broach.

“I’m okay Natsume,” Tanuma said eventually, breaking the silence suddenly. “This happens.”

“What happens?”

“This,” he gestured to his room, the futon that he didn’t have time to pack away, the first aid kit laying open next to the bed. “I’m sick pretty often.”

“We found a yokai in my house yesterday,” Nastume said, staring at the leaves floating in his tea to avoid looking Tanuma in the eyes. “Nyanko-sensei thinks that’s what was making me sleepwalk the other night.”

Tanuma paused, then laughed. Even to Natsume, it sounded forced. “I don’t think that’s it. I’ve been sleepwalking for a long time, and it isn’t the first night I’ve gone so far. I would know if it was a spirit.”

Natsume hummed. When he looked up, Tanuma smiled at him, and the smile was more confident than his laugh. Natsume didn’t know him well enough yet to say whether it reached his eyes or not.

“I’m fine, I promise.”

* * *

Natsume knew something was wrong the moment he woke up. It was the thick feeling in the bottom of his stomach, the way the sky was covered in so many clouds that not a speck of blue could be seen. It was the quiet of the birds still sleeping and the lack of a gentle breeze brushing the leaves in the garden. It was the way Touko called him down to answer the phone, her voice higher than normal, worried. It was the way Tanuma’s dad asked if he had seen his friend because he wasn’t in his room that morning and he couldn’t find him in the woods. It was the way every single fear Natsume had the day before bubbled up and choked his words. He could barely get out the promise that he would help look.

Touko put her hand on his shoulder and he drew strength from the warmth, from the boundless kindness. “I’m sure everything is fine. He probably wondered a bit too far, not much could happen in this little town of ours.”

Natsume nodded, taking a moment to breathe before climbing the stairs and getting dressed to help look.

“Nayko-sensei, I think Tanuma was infected with the same yokai that we found the other day. You said they normally traveled in clusters, right? Where would they make him go?”

Madara stretched and yawned, as if Natsume’s questions were a bother. “It would probably guide him to the parent plant to move it, but the only way it could be the same thing is if you were both infected at the same time. The Dream Walker plant releases it’s spores all at once, and they’re rare enough that there won’t be two different ones in a town this small.”

“What does the plant look like?” Natsume asked, not quite ready to give up on this idea.

Madara sighed and trotted over to Natsume’s desk, grasping a pen in his paw and scribbling something onto a piece of paper that he laid triumphantly in front of Natsume.

The sketch was terrible, full of wavy lines and overlapping shapes that didn’t make much sense, but somehow Natsume managed to recognize the strange cap-like structure. “We saw that under the bridge last week! Tanuma was the one who pointed it out so I didn’t even realise it was connected to the yokai.”

Madara yawned again, curling into a ball to go back to sleep. “Since you know where he’s going now, you don’t need me any more.”

Natsume grabbed him by the scruff of his neck – ignoring the cries of “Natsume! Natsume put me down!” – as he sprinted out of the house. His house was closer to the bridge, but Tanuma had been walking the whole night. Theoretically, if all he was supposed to do was move the plant, Tanuma should be alright, but Natsume had no idea what the consequences of the infection would be, or what would happen if Tanuma fulfilled the requirements.

His lungs were aching by the time the bridge came into view, and just like in his dream, Tanuma was standing at the precipice. As he watched, his friend took a step forward and Natsume cried out, terrified of the outcome.

Madara disappeared from his side in a puff of smoke. When it cleared, Natsume caught up to him on the bridge and helped him pull Tanuma back over. Natsume used the tear in Tanuma’s hoodie to shove Taki’s pouch against the back of his head. He held his breath while he waited.  _ Please let this work, please don’t be too late _ .

After what felt like an eternity, two spores slinked out of Tanuma’s ears and he shuddered. Madara stepped on them with his large paws, preventing them from escaping back over the bridge to wait for someone else to infect.

“Tanuma are you okay?” Natsume asked, his voice loud and desperate in the fading panic.

Tanuma blinked. “Y-yeah, I think so,” he said, sitting up. “What happened?”

“You nearly took a swan dive off the bridge,” Madara said, back in his cat form. “Oi Natsume, since I saved the brat, you’ll give me danago right?” He clawed at Natsume’s leg to get his attention.

Natsume ignored him, trying to get a read on Tanuma, but he was avoiding his gaze. He sighed, pulling out his phone to call Tanuma’s dad.

He came to get Tanuma quickly, driving him to the doctor to get checked out while Natsume did the work of moving the Dream Walker plant into the part of the forest where he knew only yokai would go. Madara said it would be far enough for the plant to be satisfied, and Natsume wanted to be certain that no one else would get into the same trouble again.

Later, he was back in Tanuma’s room, both of them cradling hot chocolates while they silently watched Madara swallow the dango Natsume had bought on the way over at an impossible speed.

“Thank you for coming to help me,” Tanuma said softly.

“What did the doctor say?”

“I’ll be fine, nothing worse than being slightly dehydrated. Just another time when I’ve taken up space in the clinic for no reason.”

Natsume glanced at him out of the corner of his eye. Tanuma’s expression was heavy, bitter in a way that Natsume knew he was ashamed of himself and the trouble he had caused. He knew it probably wasn’t the best idea to push his friend when he was vulnerable, but he had to ask, “You knew that it was a yokai, didn’t you?”

“Tanuma sighed, shaking his head. “Not the first night – I really did think I was just sleepwalking again. But when I got sick the second night...” He laughed darkly, “I’ve had enough experience recently to be able to figure out when it’s a yokai making me sick and not just another bug.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?”

Tanuma was quiet for a moment. “It isn’t your job to protect me,” he said flatly, finally meeting Natsume’s eyes so that he could see the angry determination in them.

Natsume blinked, taking a slow, loud sip from his mug. “It’s not your job to lie to protect me, but here we are.”

He tried to be stern, to keep his eyes empty as he peered over the rim of the cup, but he must have looked ridiculous, because a heartbeat later, the side of Tanuma’s mouth quirked up. Soon they were both laughing so hard that they could barely breath, and had to put their mugs down for fear of spilling the contents. Natsume wasn’t sure whether they laughed at their own ridiculousness, in relief, or simply because they could, but it filled him with an incredible joy. Tanuma was safe and he was here and they were together. Natsume had managed to protect him this time.

He knew the dreams of loneliness and helplessness and fear would haunt him for many years to come, but at least now he had the laughter of friends to drive them away once he woke.


End file.
